What are you teaching yourself about your worthiness?

Have you ever looked at what you’re teaching yourself about your worthiness?

Through the stories you’re allowing yourself to settle into, and the beliefs and patterns you’re slowly starting to build and embody and integrate into your being?

Through the simple act of choosing to continue to stay stuck, small, settling for something that does not serve you, fulfil you, light you up?

Once you get to work and start to uncover what’s really going on for you under the surface, and have that first dazzling moment of clarity…

It will shock you. And break your heart.

It hurts to face the reality and realize all the fucked up stories you’ve been telling yourself.

For years. Sometimes decades. An entire lifetime. 

It’s wild how we sometimes condition ourselves to think and believe that it is actually somehow okay to stay there, stuck in the story, the lie, the delusion.

It’s okay to continue to feel terrible. Be miserable.

But oh so comfortable.

I recently discovered, in what was meant to be just your casual everyday journaling session, that I had been telling myself some truly perplexing stories about myself and my worthiness.

About what I deserve and get to have and experience in this life. How I deserve to feel on the daily basis. 

By simply choosing to stay stuck in certain patterns, fears and ideas… I had been telling myself that:

it is okay for me to settle for even less than the bare minimum

it’s okay for me to not be able to live in the way that i want to

it’s okay for me to be in near constant state of anxiety, fear, worry, dread, panic

it’s okay for me to feel xyz in my life

it’s okay for me to experience xyz in my life

it’s okay, actually, that this really shitty and damaging thing that brings me nothing but pain… is a decades-long, ever-present, all-consuming part of my life.

I had been teaching myself, convincing myself, that this is the norm. Is the pattern I still somehow choose to continue holding onto.

When I could simply… not.

When at any time, I could choose differently.

And what was even more fascinating, or perhaps saddening, is that… I already knew all this. I just didn’t really KNOW it. I didn’t see the entire picture in its fullness.

Until now.

I hadn’t been able to see the disrespect that I had been showing myself every single day of my life.

I hadn’t realized what I had really been settling for.

How I had been telling myself that I’m not worthy of more.

I had been showing myself, telling myself, proving to myself over and over again, through all my actions and choices… that I am less than.

I had been treating myself like I’m less than.

Once the depth of this fully dawned on me I found myself sitting there in absolute shock and disbelief.

what the fuck is wrong with me holy jesus that is so fucked up

this is insane

this is not okay

none of this is okay

none of this is okay.

It broke my heart, to be quite honest with you.

As someone who’s always believed in everyone else’s innate inner power and magic and worthiness, completely and unconditionally, it was jarring to see the stories crafted within me by conditioning and past experiences and other people’s stories.

Sometimes we just don’t know better.

Being a human, being on this journey through life is… baffling to say the least.

But even though these big breakthroughs sometimes stab you deep in the soul bones, there is freedom on the other side.

Once you finally understand how things have been, and why, and can see the part that you have played in your own misery… 

These moments of breaking through and finally seeing things differently and experiencing these shifts in our consciousness… are everything.

Because once you SEE the thing you’ve been missing all along…

You can’t go on the same way. Not anymore. There’s no way.

Once you grasp the insanity of your own false beliefs and ideas, you get to free yourself.

You get to choose differently.

You get to forgive yourself and release those old beliefs.

You get to lead yourself back to the truth.

And you get to choose what that truth looks like for you.

What your chosen path looks like for you.

What the after is going to look like, now that you get to create it on your terms. 

So…

What are you telling yourself about yourself and your worthiness?

What are you teaching yourself?

How are you conditioning yourself to show up in your world?

Through your past and current choices, patterns, the actions you’re taking, or not taking?

Through your mindset, the thoughts and beliefs that circle around in your mind every day?

How are you treating yourself?

Are you being respectful towards yourself? Loving? Kind? Compassionate? Honest?

Are you trying to convince yourself that something you experience is kind of, almost, maybe okay… When really, it’s probably so fucking far from okay that it’s not even funny?

Go there. Go in that space. Tell yourself the truth.

And take your power back. Choose differently. Change the pattern. Release the old beliefs.

Choose yourself.

You deserve more.

And you’ve known it all along.

Sending you so much love,

Viivi

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